Spoiler Alert: This is one of those rare times when I get all lovey-dovey and it’s gross.
Every single time I hear All of Me by John Legend, I tear up. The first time I heard it, I literally sat there and sobbed like a baby. I get emotional anyways, but there’s just something so raw and so beautiful about this song that really gets to me. It’s magical.
I’m really lucky. Yeah, my life is kind of shit right now. Okay, it’s a lot of shit right now. I’m broke as hell, I’m angry & bitter & miserable 99% of the time, and I’m just a wreck. But even though I’m all over the place emotionally, I lose control regularly, and am an absolute horrible human being, I’m never, ever really alone. Despite how shitty I am, there’s always somebody who has faith in me. When I’m a pain in the ass, he laughs it off. When I lose it in a hysterical fit of “how are we going to do this?” he’s my shoulder to cry on. He never doubts me. He never puts me down. He tolerates all of the shit I throw at him. He’s far too good for someone like me, he’s infinitely a better person than I could ever be. And he still looks at me like I’m the best thing he’s ever seen.
This weekend, a good friend of ours, Boonie got married. The wedding was so cute, and he and his new wife, Megan, are adorable and perfect for each other. There’s just something about weddings – they make you think about your own. Imagining where you’ll get married. What you’ll walk down the isle to. Your first dance. Granted, maybe that’s just me, but I think there’s just something about the love and the romance and two people coming together that just makes you think about your own life, and your own future.
Seth and I are coming up on 4 years together. But it feels like I’ve been with him my whole life. He was my first everything. (Well, okay – he wasn’t my first kiss.) Sometimes I think it’s crazy. Like if I’m only ever with him, I’ll miss out somehow. I’m only 20, there’s so much of my life left to live.
But this weekend, as I sat there at the wedding, I realized that, years from now, that’ll be us. No, we’re not even engaged yet, but that doesn’t matter. There are no ifs anymore, just whens. And I’m not really in any huge rush. He’s my best friend, he’s everything, and there really isn’t anyone else I could ever imagine spending my life with. I’d miss out on so much more if I let him go than I ever will with him.
And I’m so lucky because I know he feels the same way.